The last 3 cards...this has gone on quite long enough!

The here and now of my life

Continuing a Tarot Card Reading and how my inner psyche relates to it!

The card I drew to represent the environment of my life was the Ten of Swords...major changes!

OK, I asked for it didn't I!  What do I learn about myself from thinking of a complete end to life as I know it? Would I be suicidal if it came to it? I usually don't want to give up a fight. Goddess knows I've been accused of always wanting to win any argument.

So at what point would I realize that I (and others like me) would be so brutalized that we would just give up all we know in the face of the disaster that presented itself?

We won't know till it happens.

For now can I let go of any idea or rigid system of thinking/expression/feeling to which my ego is so attached that it would feel like the end of my existence by doing so? Can I come to terms with my idealized rose-colored glasses interpretation of life and accept reality? Can I give up my hopes and dreams if it comes down to it, to sacrifice all I hold dear?

The answer today is a resounding no.  But I will keep this thought in the back of my mind.  My survivalist friends are thinking of another reality of life...and occasionally I think of what all of our lives might become.

"What if"...is the name of my mental game.

What if the ocean did rise a couple of feet?
What if crops were no longer pollinated because of the crazy use of pesticides?
What if all the fossil fuels actually were gone...all gone?
What if a war happened in the US?
What if there was no more transportation with gas/oil?
What if there was no more electricity?
what if there was no more water/sewer?
what if I had no access to food
what if the internet stopped?
what if we didn't have phones?

So that's a mind-game for which I have no answers. I'd like to think I could survive a while, but I probably would be among the elderly frail to die early with any of those crisis situations.

I would be very sorry about it though, and will struggle as I can in the meantime to keep any of those things from happening. Like most 76 year old voters, I have all the power of the pen, and the ballot box.

Next card:
My hopes/fears...two sides of the same coin

all have them, and with the other cards in this spread, I expected more things that I am afraid of. However the card Son of Cups (aka Knight or Jack of Hearts)

Hopes are one side of the coin when we face the future, and as with the last card I played the "what if" mind game which gives incredible anxiety to me, fears are just the other side of a possible future. We know we don't know. But being human, we wonder.

Here's a young man playing his flute/recorder, sitting inside an egg-shape, on water while in the lotus pose of yoga.  He represents male energy surrendered to feminine energy.  Cups represent feelings/emotions, as the heart suit of our playing cards.  He offers the gift of music, and flowers, perhaps giving a message. The trident is the symbol of poetry, visions and trances.

So this card is a bit up-beat. The flower in the foreground can offer trances or poison if you aren't careful.  So I like seeing this young man, but I am also a bit guarded about the sweetness he offers.  How much of this is realistic?

And the last card of the spread:
The outcome of my question to the universe through cards

Outcome - a place on the Celtic Cross spread with a culmination of things that have come up in the reading.  After all, this is all just a depiction of my own unconscious...and does bring to my thoughts some ideas that I may prefer not to think on a usual level.

So I have this Daughter of Wands card as the outcome. A fiery young woman who is dancing holding a wheel in one hand.  Vicki Noble (the author) tells us it's the wheel of Nemesis, the Goddess of retribution for breaches of taboo.  Yes, that's a very good thing to dance around with...as a threat perhaps? Or is it just that she is confident that Nemesis will balance things that have gotten all out of whack.

But I need to also go back to my original question to these cards...dealing with aging and changes.  This is my younger self who certainly did have lots of fire in her belly, and not much thought to the future.  She had quite the tendency to rush into things with little thought, or even little sense of feeling. A quick mover, that was me. And carrying around the unicorn who danced with me, ah the dreams and fun I've had!

And now I've slowed down and the world rushes past, with many young people dancing into their lives. I do hope they all have as much fulfillment as I have had in mine.

But to have my "outcome" card just remind me of the past doesn't quite make sense.  It has to have to do with the Devil card, and the nightmare, and the Emperor, and the surrender, as well as the two young men, the first being Pan who turns the Devil away, and the latter being that yoga musician who is full of emotions.  I think my imagination can still let me be a young dancing girl, with the fire that pushes us both to do whatever comes our way.

The card of 4 of discs may mean that any answers I'll have from this reading will be found when I make my own sanctuary and spend time in it. That is how I can feel grounded with all the turmoil that exists all around me. I have a little altar, and it's been kind of stacked with other stuff lately. Going to refurbish it next! I have even used my sage smudge stick to purify the environment of my home...and to ward away any energies that might do me harm. Now I'll have my sketchbook by my side, and sit with a candle in the dark, letting myself be open to whatever else might come my way.

Thank you for reading this with me.

Now to any readers out there...have you had your Tarot Cards read? What did you think? Has my experience been too personal, or too wild and weird? I am happy that you shared it with me.