The last 3 cards...this has gone on quite long enough!

The here and now of my life

Continuing a Tarot Card Reading and how my inner psyche relates to it!

The card I drew to represent the environment of my life was the Ten of Swords...major changes!

OK, I asked for it didn't I!  What do I learn about myself from thinking of a complete end to life as I know it? Would I be suicidal if it came to it? I usually don't want to give up a fight. Goddess knows I've been accused of always wanting to win any argument.

So at what point would I realize that I (and others like me) would be so brutalized that we would just give up all we know in the face of the disaster that presented itself?

We won't know till it happens.

For now can I let go of any idea or rigid system of thinking/expression/feeling to which my ego is so attached that it would feel like the end of my existence by doing so? Can I come to terms with my idealized rose-colored glasses interpretation of life and accept reality? Can I give up my hopes and dreams if it comes down to it, to sacrifice all I hold dear?

The answer today is a resounding no.  But I will keep this thought in the back of my mind.  My survivalist friends are thinking of another reality of life...and occasionally I think of what all of our lives might become.

"What if"...is the name of my mental game.

What if the ocean did rise a couple of feet?
What if crops were no longer pollinated because of the crazy use of pesticides?
What if all the fossil fuels actually were gone...all gone?
What if a war happened in the US?
What if there was no more transportation with gas/oil?
What if there was no more electricity?
what if there was no more water/sewer?
what if I had no access to food
what if the internet stopped?
what if we didn't have phones?

So that's a mind-game for which I have no answers. I'd like to think I could survive a while, but I probably would be among the elderly frail to die early with any of those crisis situations.

I would be very sorry about it though, and will struggle as I can in the meantime to keep any of those things from happening. Like most 76 year old voters, I have all the power of the pen, and the ballot box.

Next card:
My hopes/fears...two sides of the same coin

all have them, and with the other cards in this spread, I expected more things that I am afraid of. However the card Son of Cups (aka Knight or Jack of Hearts)

Hopes are one side of the coin when we face the future, and as with the last card I played the "what if" mind game which gives incredible anxiety to me, fears are just the other side of a possible future. We know we don't know. But being human, we wonder.

Here's a young man playing his flute/recorder, sitting inside an egg-shape, on water while in the lotus pose of yoga.  He represents male energy surrendered to feminine energy.  Cups represent feelings/emotions, as the heart suit of our playing cards.  He offers the gift of music, and flowers, perhaps giving a message. The trident is the symbol of poetry, visions and trances.

So this card is a bit up-beat. The flower in the foreground can offer trances or poison if you aren't careful.  So I like seeing this young man, but I am also a bit guarded about the sweetness he offers.  How much of this is realistic?

And the last card of the spread:
The outcome of my question to the universe through cards

Outcome - a place on the Celtic Cross spread with a culmination of things that have come up in the reading.  After all, this is all just a depiction of my own unconscious...and does bring to my thoughts some ideas that I may prefer not to think on a usual level.

So I have this Daughter of Wands card as the outcome. A fiery young woman who is dancing holding a wheel in one hand.  Vicki Noble (the author) tells us it's the wheel of Nemesis, the Goddess of retribution for breaches of taboo.  Yes, that's a very good thing to dance around with...as a threat perhaps? Or is it just that she is confident that Nemesis will balance things that have gotten all out of whack.

But I need to also go back to my original question to these cards...dealing with aging and changes.  This is my younger self who certainly did have lots of fire in her belly, and not much thought to the future.  She had quite the tendency to rush into things with little thought, or even little sense of feeling. A quick mover, that was me. And carrying around the unicorn who danced with me, ah the dreams and fun I've had!

And now I've slowed down and the world rushes past, with many young people dancing into their lives. I do hope they all have as much fulfillment as I have had in mine.

But to have my "outcome" card just remind me of the past doesn't quite make sense.  It has to have to do with the Devil card, and the nightmare, and the Emperor, and the surrender, as well as the two young men, the first being Pan who turns the Devil away, and the latter being that yoga musician who is full of emotions.  I think my imagination can still let me be a young dancing girl, with the fire that pushes us both to do whatever comes our way.

The card of 4 of discs may mean that any answers I'll have from this reading will be found when I make my own sanctuary and spend time in it. That is how I can feel grounded with all the turmoil that exists all around me. I have a little altar, and it's been kind of stacked with other stuff lately. Going to refurbish it next! I have even used my sage smudge stick to purify the environment of my home...and to ward away any energies that might do me harm. Now I'll have my sketchbook by my side, and sit with a candle in the dark, letting myself be open to whatever else might come my way.

Thank you for reading this with me.

Now to any readers out there...have you had your Tarot Cards read? What did you think? Has my experience been too personal, or too wild and weird? I am happy that you shared it with me.

Let's observe my own shadow self

Continuing a Tarot Card Reading and how my inner psyche relates to it!

Yep, as Karl Jung suggests, we carry around a shadow self, which we don't want to see, because it's the negative parts of oneself. (I like that there's also a bright shadow, the part that is good that I also deny existence to.)

My card to represent myself is none other than the Emperor. Yikes! It's a Trump card (pardon the intentional pun!) So much as I dislike the man, I must have some of what he is within me. How terribly distasteful to me. I've often tried to find a way to give love and forgiveness to him for his being another human...and I fail terribly because I won't ever forgive the hurts he is responsible for causing for so many others. There are so few redeeming qualities in the man, I find it a challenge to see how a dear relative can support him.

But to see my own Emperor qualities is my task today.  Am I detached from my feelings?  I cried when I read the blog a few days ago of a friend blogger who's dog died.  That started my day.

I may avoid some of my angry feelings about the government's misadventures (to put it mildly.)

Am I rigid? OK, perhaps a bit. I like my life simple and with just enough free time that I can stop and do something different every few days.  I do like having control over my life...which any day could tumble into a state of disease with crisis....and then I'd either be dead or under the control of medical professionals.

Am I afraid? Yes, of the end of this life as I know it...through disaster, through a government which seems bent on hurting those I support, through my personal crisis as I mentioned, of being victimized in any way.

Am I defensive? I have been many times in the past. I don't want to ever be hurt the way I have in the past, so I do defend myself pretty strongly when I get the hint that anything might go that way. I'm vulnerable in so many ways.

My positive message is to get in touch with my inner child and connect back to nature...the opposite of the Emperor.  Unfortunately I have to shield my eyes so I don't pay any attention to the dangerous childishness of Trump...which is more scary than fun.

What comes next?

Come along with me this week as I explore a Tarot Card Reading and how my inner psyche relates to it! Yes very personal, but also political, environmental and even somewhat humorous.

Though I often try the Zen approach by focusing on the Now rather than the future (or the past), a bit of consideration would help in planning things. Like is it going to rain, so I'll be able to wear the right clothes. These days I move beyond one plan for the day, and often have a Plan B. But I do stay flexible enough to go to another direction if it seems wise.

A four of discs...a future of meditation, establishing sanctuary for yourself...this card comes up frequently these days for me.  The meditative self led me to do this Tarot reading...to spend the time and attention to let subconscious information come to my awakened knowing.

The card suggests that I need to find an answer to the question...what do you need for yourself?  My first thought is "meditation."

That may sound a bit like circular reasoning...but as many other areas of my life are rich with people, ideas, art, spirituality, and circles of support, I keep coming back to what I most need is to look within, to turn off the outside world much as the woman in the card is doing. She has mandalas on her wall, as do I.  I think perhaps I should consider creating some more.

How did I get here?

Come along with me this week as I explore a Tarot Card Reading and how my inner psyche relates to it! Yes very personal, but also political, environmental and even somewhat humorous.

There's a card placement called "the things that have gone before."

For this reading, the Strength card came up. So there is a history of sorts when dealing with my basic question of aging and changes...of having a strength to help me.

That's a bit reassuring.This card lets me know that in the past I've been able to stay grounded/centered and connected to others. It reminds me to continue to listen to and observe what the animal and natural kingdoms have to tell me. After all, they've been through this before...whatever challenges are coming are just part of a continuing cycle of changes, birth, life, death, birth...

What is given to me from above?

Come along with me this week as I explore a Tarot Card Reading and how my inner psyche relates to it! Yes very personal, but also political, environmental and even somewhat humorous.

What other people might call their angels...the inspiring energies that the universe give me to consider.

Tarot Card Nine of Swords...a nightmare card!

OK, this negative stuff keeps turning up in this spread, asking about aging and changes.  I wish I had just flowery kitten energy coming my way, but no, I've got some serious stuff to deal with.

Swords are the suit (could be diamonds in playing cards) of intellect.  So things move very swiftly, like an idea here and gone.  I think of my dark shadow self...she who exhibits the fears that might be a nightmare...a childlike persona who has nobody to comfort her.  But she is with the part of my  bright shadow, a loving nurturing, wise aspect that I can find to give myself comfort.  I own both aspects of myself.

My friend Byron Ballard frequently talks about a Tarot card which didn't appear in my spread today.  The Tower Card.  It even has been her root for calling our era of life as Tower Time.  We are living through scary times.

Now the card in the Motherpeace deck actually reminds me that I must fight the demons of my unconscious with a conscious intent. The swords offer strength in that fight against the negative fears and anger that I sleep with/live with daily.  What are my swords? I choose words. I choose goddesses who have many myths of strength. My intent then is to confront my own negative impulses with calling upon goddesses like Athena the warrior goddess, Artemus the hunter, Sofia of wisdom, and of course Boudicca the British queen warrior who defeated Romans.  We are ready whenever the demons of greed and environmental degredation come into my sleep, whenever demons of illness and want rear their ugly heads in my psyche.

Ground and connect to earth energies

What is the root of the question? That which comes to me from the earth, welling up to connect with my quest and keep me firmly standing on the earth.

The two of Discs, a young woman is depicted on the card, who is raising twin babies.  I think of my twin aspects - the dark vs. light shadows.  Can she tell me more about them? She reminds me that as I'm juggling a busy life as she does, it's important to stay grounded or centered.  Since the placement in the spread is that which is connected to earth energies, it's a twin energy of being doubly important to keep my feet firmly on the ground....in considering my question.

Being grounded. What does that mean to me? Standing firm in what I believe is right and true. Standing up to those who hurt others, and knowing that I have a source within me that is the same source as all earth energies.

What energies come to counteract the basic question I'm asking?

Come along with me this week as I explore a Tarot Card Reading and how my inner psyche relates to it! Yes very personal, but also political, environmental and even somewhat humorous.

The crossing card in the Celtic Cross spread of Tarot cards was the Son of wands (aka Jack of clubs)

After considering the primary card of the spread, there's a card that crosses it...which says the energies of that primary card need to be aware that there's another current pushing it in a different direction than perhaps it intended.

This card reminds us Pagans of the Horned God, or Pan, an entertainer, a male who is comfortable in a female society.  Here life is celebrated in an untamed way...play is part of everyday existence.

How would Pan go against the Devil? Well, we see his energies in cartoons about Trump all the time.  Just this week Ivanka has been painted into several old gatherings (including a last supper painting) as she was so inappropriately part of the G20 photograph with her father!

The Devil represents an opposite kind of energy, straight laced, rigid, where the Son of wands wants to have everyone feel better about life.  It doesn't approach the misuse of power so much as tickle us as we try to find alternatives.

When I consider my basic question about aging and changes, a Pan type energy gives me the chance to sit back and relax for a moment, to consider that I have a sense of humor in the face of everything that I fear and am angry about.

A card of significance - pay attention/beware!

Come along with me this week as I explore a Tarot Card Reading and how my inner psyche relates to it! Yes very personal, but also political, environmental and even somewhat humorous.

My questions to the universe, to ask my unconscious self (a shadow of the dark or light parts of myself) brings a card that unsettles me.

The Devil.
This is the significator of the spread. I'm reminded of a state of greed/selfishness. Remember that the Inquisition was the most public demonstration of the use by the Church of Rome to kill people by calling them instruments of the devil. The devil is an invention of Christianity. There have always been dark forces in Pagan theory, but not as personified as this devil.

The government and established religion can represents the devil in a way...something to be feared, and something that subjugates it's followers. The use of Power Over, rather than gathering of power with others...there is misuse of this power everywhere these days.

The True Power of the earth, mother nature, is the source that most Pagans look to for guidance, and we are feeling a lot of fear and anger towards the people who are harming the earth with unimaginable laws and intrusions into the earth's well being.

I look at the image of the card. I consider what part of myself might be one of the depicted individuals there.  I think probably a potter, who is offering the jug of life-giving water to those of higher level than I am.  I hope I'm related to the individual who is breaking his chains of slavery. I will need to keep this card of ultimate hierarchy in mind for a while.

Looking for inspiration

I sometimes look within for inspiration...to take me to new ideas, and to suggest things I may have forgotten about myself.  This week the form of question was in reading Tarot Cards.  I have done this many years...and very seldom offer to do card readings for others, so I consider myself an amateur.  But I find that the Jungian theory (Karl Jung) of shadow self and the unconscious having messages that I can listen to, provides information that may be of use to me.

I'm reminding myself that there is a dark shadow (that part of myself that I don't know much about, but others can frequently see) as well as a bright shadow (also mostly invisible to me) of my unconscious.  I shuffle the cards and think how I want to focus my question to the universe.  I'm thinking about aging and changes.  That is all.

I keep the question in my mind as I shuffle the cards, and then start turning them over and placing them on the cloth.

I spread the cards in a familiar and ancient pattern called the Celtic Cross. I'll share here for the next few days how this spread talks to me, and what I think of it!  It took maybe an hour the first time, and now I'm typing the details here, after taking photos of the cards.  I use the Motherpeace deck by Vicki Noble, all cards made on circles of cardboard. I skip the idea of reversed cards that way, since I turn them all facing upright.