Some thoughts

Quote for today:

Retire to the center of your being, which is calmness.

Paramahansa Yogananda

When I read Yogananda's teaching, back in the (hurumph) 70s, I was full of peacefulness.  What a great man.  

Ram Das was a great eye opener for me.  Be Here Now, he said, and relieved a lot of anxieties.

I tried Tai Chi off an on over the years, much like Hatha Yoga.

Then I found Amrit Desai, followed him for a while.  Great yoga asanas.  Asked him why I kept moving from one teacher to another...and he answered that I would know when the right one for me came.

I never did.

I think it has to do with trust issues.

Or just that a new guru would always appear more attractive.

But I also am not a disciplined person, as my former husband and boyfriends know well, and perhaps (of course!) my children.

OK, what does this have to do with today?

I'm trying to keep the room from spinning as I get vertical.  I'm carrying my cell phone in my pocket as I move around trying to do things that keep me alive...take those pills, inhale that corticosteroid stuff, make and drink that coffee, same with toast.  Make sure the cats are fed, toss the dirty clothes and towels into the washer and check that nothing froze overnight...laundry room, check, studio/atrium - check, bedroom which is empty of use - check.

Being less than I want to physically be.  Trying to accept this situation.

I read a triggering thought on FaceBook, things that were 25 years old.  And I only knew one of the actors, none of the musicians, and didn't remember any of the TV shows from 25 years ago.  I thought, maybe I wasn't having much fun back then.  What was I doing anyway?

I'm thinking about that.  Will let you know if it's worth sharing.  Some things just aren't.